Autumn

Conker time has been and gone, although the conkers I collected for Kieron now live in my car a Kieron always manage to leave a few rolling around on its floor. Now it's time to think about Hallowe'en.

Kieron usually has one of his friends over for the evening and they dress up, giggling over their fearsome outfits before going round the local streets with me pointing out 'Hallowe'en happy' houses. At first, it's a case of jostling each other to see who will go to the door first before it becoming a race to beat each other.

Kieron has becoming quite an expert at deciding where to go, scoping out to see how many other ghosts, ghouls and other scary things are in the road. In Kieron's world, too many kids means sweets running out in the houses so we try to find quieter streets. I'm in a permanent state of worry as the outfits are dark, as are the streets and I imagine cars running the boys over, kidnappers grabbing them, the boys getting out of my sight and lost etc etc.

Fake squeals of fear when even scarier creatures open doors, chocolatey mouths, shouts of laughter, before going home to deposit the loot and taking Kieron's friend home with his share of the bounty.

Returning home for Kieron to decide what he'll give his big brother and sister and good old Mum gets the sweets no-one wants. Face paint scrubbed off, costume put away, sugar rush at it's highest, Hallowe'en over for another year.

The one was over for ever.

School's out for Summer

Everywhere around the country, schools are finishing for the long, lazy summer holidays. Children are excited, parents are worrying about childcare and the summer seems to go on and on.

In my old job, I only worked term time so every July, when all the kids had broken up, we would have an end on term party. Mainly involving loads of ice cream, the older two were bouncing about everywhere, while the young Kieron would be bemused at what all the fuss was about as he hadn't even started school.

Once he got older (and I worked every week), Kieron would run out of school, making arrangements to see his mates within the next few days. Once home, he would refuse to change out of his school uniform. explaining that I didn't have to hurry to get it ready for school and as it would probably be going in the bin anyway, I didn't argue.

Beach days would be planned while emptying out his backpack. Precious things like drawings would be given to me with a 'you can have it' comment and not so important stuff like school books, would be treasured by me and kept safely to look through once he was adult, so that I could reminisce on the 'good old days'.

Late nights would slowly become normal with cries of 'but it's the holidays' and I would remind him that I had work the next day. Childcare became part of Jade's day and annual leave was juggled throughout the holidays. Every sunny day was either spent in the garden or on the beach, with home time happening when the food ran out. The car was sandy, my house was sandy, the days were good.

I still have Kieron's school books and I read through his work, only he is still 10 and will never be an adult.

Babysitting

Kieron is an uncle. His nephew was born 13 April 2014 and is beautiful.

Kieron likes babies...he likes their littleness, their funny noises, their tiny fingers and toes. One of his closest friends has a little sister and she has always followed Kieron around. He knocks for his friend every morning on the way to school and if I have to work late, goes back there afterwards, playing with the little sister and keeping her amused. Another of Kieron's friends also has a young sister who waddles along after Kieron, trying to get his attention whenever he goes round there.

So tonight, I'm babysitting my baby grandson. He's had a visit to Kieron's room and I've played with some of Kieron's toys with him. I showed him Kieron's school fleece and some of his camels and sharks. I told him that one day, all of these toys would be his. I know that Kieron will like this, because he loves his tiny nephew and Kieron isn't able to play with them anymore.

March in the Garden

I have a pretty garden, all summer long it is filled with colour and scent. During March I have a beautiful cream limber that rambles through the trellis on my decking with richly scented cream flowers. Kieron and I always see it as a sign that summer is on the way so the post-winter tidy up gets under way.

Kieron helps by moving bits of cat-killed dead mice and birds and holds bin bags for me to fill. He plays with the grass cuttings missed by the lawn mower, throwing them in the air to land on his head. These then fall off all through the house.He picks stones out of the grass and posts them down the hole left by the rotary washing line and picks daisies to pull off the petals.

March is a joyous time with the promise of Easter eggs to eat followed by warm days and beach trips throughout the summer.

The scented climber was in full flower on the day that I said my goodbyes to Kieron: everyone sat in our garden afterwards and commented on how good it smelt. 

I hate that plant now, but keep it for the happier memories.

Year's End

Today is New Year's Eve. A time for fun and revelry. A time to be with family and friends and look back on the past year and look forward to the new one.

Any excuse for a late night and Kieron's there ready to grab it. It could be anything from his older brother and sister being away from home over night and having special 'Mum and Kieron' time to going to bed and then saying he can't sleep. These times when it's just the two of us are extra special as I've been both Mum and Dad to Kieron. We curl up on the settee with a box of custard tarts and a film. Kieron lies partly on the settee and partly on me, with my left arm tucked round him, holding him close. Sometimes one of the cats joins us, usually Molly, Kieron's cat. She snuggles down behind Kieron's knees and dozes off while I get cramp in my arm.

On these nights, Kieron usually asks if he can sleep in my bed and I always say that he can. He sprawls across the bed, gets sweaty and kicks off the covers. I balance on the edge of the bed as moving him is a waste of time...he just gravitates back.

So sitting here tonight, I look back on the last year. A year in which Jade has got her own place, Callum is going to be a Daddy, and I'm still and always will be without my little mate. Next year will be just as lonely.

Babies

Kieron likes babies. Preferably of the fluffy variety or with humps. However, when all else fails, he likes to comment on their cuteness, Until they cry and then (being male) he decides that enough is enough and it's time to go and do his own thing.

When his sister was with her ex-boyfriend, Kieron would tease Jade about having a baby, which was guaranteed to annoy her. One of Kieron's favourite phrases, designed to really make her furious was 'hubba, hubba'. Some of Kieron's friends have younger sisters and he quickly became used to these little girls gazing up at him adoringly and interrupting the boys' games. Always patient with these little girls, Kieron accepts that seeing these friends also means seeing their little sisters.

Now Kieron's going to be an uncle to his big brother's first child, also a little boy. So at some point Kieron will be sorting through his toys and handing them over as they become age-appropriate to his nephew. Toys that were handed down to him from his brother and with some of them, like Duplo, also from his sister.

Although in reality, it will be me sorting through them and putting Lego models safely out of reach, and passing them on to my grandson.

Moving Out

My first born, Jade is moving into her 1st flat with her best friend.
My oldest son, Callum is moving into a house share with 2 of his closest mates.

It is traditionally a time for tears when they fly the nest and everywhere I look there are boxes of Jade's and new bits of furniture Callum has bought for his new bedroom. Kitchen cupboards have been mysteriously emptying themselves of kitchen gadgets and re-appearing in a box in Jade's room. Shopping trips have changed from whizzing round New Look to trotting round looking for fridges. Shed junk has become re-usable and Callum has suddenly shown an interest in co-coordinating furniture.

I always knew it would happen: it's a rite of passage and I know Kieron's plans would include having Callum's room as a gaming room to chill out with his mates and make loads of mess. Xbox, gamer's chair, TV, you name it, it would end up in there along with random shoes and socks that always seem to trail along after Kieron wherever he goes. Kieron would become man of the house and try to look out for me as he always has when the older two are out.

What wasn't supposed to happen was for Kieron to leave home first.