Today is New Year's Eve. A time for fun and revelry. A time to be with family and friends and look back on the past year and look forward to the new one.
Any excuse for a late night and Kieron's there ready to grab it. It could be anything from his older brother and sister being away from home over night and having special 'Mum and Kieron' time to going to bed and then saying he can't sleep. These times when it's just the two of us are extra special as I've been both Mum and Dad to Kieron. We curl up on the settee with a box of custard tarts and a film. Kieron lies partly on the settee and partly on me, with my left arm tucked round him, holding him close. Sometimes one of the cats joins us, usually Molly, Kieron's cat. She snuggles down behind Kieron's knees and dozes off while I get cramp in my arm.
On these nights, Kieron usually asks if he can sleep in my bed and I always say that he can. He sprawls across the bed, gets sweaty and kicks off the covers. I balance on the edge of the bed as moving him is a waste of time...he just gravitates back.
So sitting here tonight, I look back on the last year. A year in which Jade has got her own place, Callum is going to be a Daddy, and I'm still and always will be without my little mate. Next year will be just as lonely.
Tuesday, 31 December 2013
Thursday, 28 November 2013
Babies
Kieron likes babies. Preferably of the fluffy variety or with humps. However, when all else fails, he likes to comment on their cuteness, Until they cry and then (being male) he decides that enough is enough and it's time to go and do his own thing.
When his sister was with her ex-boyfriend, Kieron would tease Jade about having a baby, which was guaranteed to annoy her. One of Kieron's favourite phrases, designed to really make her furious was 'hubba, hubba'. Some of Kieron's friends have younger sisters and he quickly became used to these little girls gazing up at him adoringly and interrupting the boys' games. Always patient with these little girls, Kieron accepts that seeing these friends also means seeing their little sisters.
Now Kieron's going to be an uncle to his big brother's first child, also a little boy. So at some point Kieron will be sorting through his toys and handing them over as they become age-appropriate to his nephew. Toys that were handed down to him from his brother and with some of them, like Duplo, also from his sister.
Although in reality, it will be me sorting through them and putting Lego models safely out of reach, and passing them on to my grandson.
When his sister was with her ex-boyfriend, Kieron would tease Jade about having a baby, which was guaranteed to annoy her. One of Kieron's favourite phrases, designed to really make her furious was 'hubba, hubba'. Some of Kieron's friends have younger sisters and he quickly became used to these little girls gazing up at him adoringly and interrupting the boys' games. Always patient with these little girls, Kieron accepts that seeing these friends also means seeing their little sisters.
Now Kieron's going to be an uncle to his big brother's first child, also a little boy. So at some point Kieron will be sorting through his toys and handing them over as they become age-appropriate to his nephew. Toys that were handed down to him from his brother and with some of them, like Duplo, also from his sister.
Although in reality, it will be me sorting through them and putting Lego models safely out of reach, and passing them on to my grandson.
Monday, 30 September 2013
Moving Out
My first born, Jade is moving into her 1st flat with her best friend.
My oldest son, Callum is moving into a house share with 2 of his closest mates.
It is traditionally a time for tears when they fly the nest and everywhere I look there are boxes of Jade's and new bits of furniture Callum has bought for his new bedroom. Kitchen cupboards have been mysteriously emptying themselves of kitchen gadgets and re-appearing in a box in Jade's room. Shopping trips have changed from whizzing round New Look to trotting round looking for fridges. Shed junk has become re-usable and Callum has suddenly shown an interest in co-coordinating furniture.
I always knew it would happen: it's a rite of passage and I know Kieron's plans would include having Callum's room as a gaming room to chill out with his mates and make loads of mess. Xbox, gamer's chair, TV, you name it, it would end up in there along with random shoes and socks that always seem to trail along after Kieron wherever he goes. Kieron would become man of the house and try to look out for me as he always has when the older two are out.
What wasn't supposed to happen was for Kieron to leave home first.
My oldest son, Callum is moving into a house share with 2 of his closest mates.
It is traditionally a time for tears when they fly the nest and everywhere I look there are boxes of Jade's and new bits of furniture Callum has bought for his new bedroom. Kitchen cupboards have been mysteriously emptying themselves of kitchen gadgets and re-appearing in a box in Jade's room. Shopping trips have changed from whizzing round New Look to trotting round looking for fridges. Shed junk has become re-usable and Callum has suddenly shown an interest in co-coordinating furniture.
I always knew it would happen: it's a rite of passage and I know Kieron's plans would include having Callum's room as a gaming room to chill out with his mates and make loads of mess. Xbox, gamer's chair, TV, you name it, it would end up in there along with random shoes and socks that always seem to trail along after Kieron wherever he goes. Kieron would become man of the house and try to look out for me as he always has when the older two are out.
What wasn't supposed to happen was for Kieron to leave home first.
Friday, 23 August 2013
Exams
Kieron took the Kent test in year 6. It's the new version of the 11 plus and he was so desperate to pass it so that he could go to grammar school. I was fairly confident that he would pass as he's always been way ahead at school but spoke to him that if he didn't pass it was ok. Better to be top of the class at a regular secondary class than to struggle in a grammar school. There are 2 schools in our area that were available but there was no contest: Kieron knew straight away which one he wanted to go to so that was his first choice if he passed.
The day the results came out, I opened up my emails and at first it didn't register: 'Kieron has been chosen as suitable for grammar school education'. Then I yelled out in delight, flew downstairs, grabbed Kieron and told him the great news. We danced about and shouted and laughed and told his brother, sister, aunt, put it on Facebook. We were all so pleased and proud of this little kid. Especially as we later found out that Kieron got the highest marks in his school year.
Kieron's best friend was also going there and I decided to have a couple of dummy bus runs so that he could get the school bus. His sister was going to take him and pick him up the first couple of days as I would be at work, then after that it would be down to Kieron. I never had any doubt that he would manage it.
Kieron never made it to grammar school. Some other child was given his place. Today Kieron's friends are getting results from GCSE's taken a year early and I'm pleased for them, but heartbroken for us.
The day the results came out, I opened up my emails and at first it didn't register: 'Kieron has been chosen as suitable for grammar school education'. Then I yelled out in delight, flew downstairs, grabbed Kieron and told him the great news. We danced about and shouted and laughed and told his brother, sister, aunt, put it on Facebook. We were all so pleased and proud of this little kid. Especially as we later found out that Kieron got the highest marks in his school year.
Kieron's best friend was also going there and I decided to have a couple of dummy bus runs so that he could get the school bus. His sister was going to take him and pick him up the first couple of days as I would be at work, then after that it would be down to Kieron. I never had any doubt that he would manage it.
Kieron never made it to grammar school. Some other child was given his place. Today Kieron's friends are getting results from GCSE's taken a year early and I'm pleased for them, but heartbroken for us.
Monday, 1 July 2013
Camels
Kieron loves camels. Ever since we first went to Tunisia in April 2009 and locals were trying to but his big sister in exchange for camels, Kieron has put them as second only to sharks (and possibly dinosaurs).
He has singing camels, dancing camels, a camel mug and pen pot. He rode a camel and one of his favourite sayings is 'Marhaba Jamal'. Meaning 'welcome' in Tunisian and 'camel' in French. Why he decided to string these to words together is anyone's guess, but hey.....this IS Kieron.
So while Kieron's sister and I were in Tunisia last week, not only did I try to swop her for a few thousand of these beasts, but we both rode them. Graceful ships of the desert, I'm now as enthralled as Kieron.. camel keyrings, camel pottery for the garden....bring it on, I'll have them all.
But in reality I don't want camels. I know I';m only doing it for my son. Because he no longer can.
He has singing camels, dancing camels, a camel mug and pen pot. He rode a camel and one of his favourite sayings is 'Marhaba Jamal'. Meaning 'welcome' in Tunisian and 'camel' in French. Why he decided to string these to words together is anyone's guess, but hey.....this IS Kieron.
So while Kieron's sister and I were in Tunisia last week, not only did I try to swop her for a few thousand of these beasts, but we both rode them. Graceful ships of the desert, I'm now as enthralled as Kieron.. camel keyrings, camel pottery for the garden....bring it on, I'll have them all.
But in reality I don't want camels. I know I';m only doing it for my son. Because he no longer can.
Wednesday, 29 May 2013
Naughty Nick
I've got a cousin 4 months younger than me called 'Naughty Nick'. He got this name from my aunt when my kids were little and would ask why, when they played with his old toy cars that most of the cars had all the tyres pulled off. 'Naughty Nick did it' she always said. And so the name stuck, especially with Callum and Kieron.
Callum would carry on playing , Kieron would laugh and try to put the tyres back on.
All of the children had their own toy bags at my aunts house. In fact, Kieron still has: pushed into the depths of her huge airing cupboard. As Jade got older, she passed most things on to Callum, and he in turn did the same. So Kieron has Lego models that he made when he was 8 or 9, pictures, broken toy cars, old farm and zoo animals and a collection of pens and pencils.
Whenever my cousin visits, Kieron chatters away to him about why he would break the cars and 'Naughty Nick' laughs but can't explain why. He always seems surprised when he sees his old toys in Kieron's toy bag and likes reminiscing about our childhood together and the pranks that we both got up to. Kieron really likes hearing all this and giggles constantly.
'Naughty Nick' got married yesterday: we didn't go. Weddings are a time for families and my family is broken forever.
Kieron didn't get the chance to clear out his toy bag either.
Callum would carry on playing , Kieron would laugh and try to put the tyres back on.
All of the children had their own toy bags at my aunts house. In fact, Kieron still has: pushed into the depths of her huge airing cupboard. As Jade got older, she passed most things on to Callum, and he in turn did the same. So Kieron has Lego models that he made when he was 8 or 9, pictures, broken toy cars, old farm and zoo animals and a collection of pens and pencils.
Whenever my cousin visits, Kieron chatters away to him about why he would break the cars and 'Naughty Nick' laughs but can't explain why. He always seems surprised when he sees his old toys in Kieron's toy bag and likes reminiscing about our childhood together and the pranks that we both got up to. Kieron really likes hearing all this and giggles constantly.
'Naughty Nick' got married yesterday: we didn't go. Weddings are a time for families and my family is broken forever.
Kieron didn't get the chance to clear out his toy bag either.
Saturday, 27 April 2013
Bribery Goes A Long Way
Tomorrow I'm going to Lakeside Shopping Centre with Jade, Callum and Callum's girlfriend. I haven't been there for a while because I used to go there with Kieron.
Lakeside was always Jade's choice for her birthday: it meant she could spend her birthday money, knowing that I would wander round until she got too tired to walk round any more shops. Jade used to take a friend and in later years her (now ex) boyfriend and Kieron would come too.
As Jade's birthday is near the end of November, Lakeside was always Christmassy with a Santa' Grotto and loads of elves. Kieron soon got wise to the idea that I found it over-crowded and very tiring, just wandering round waiting for Jade to ring me to say that they were ready to leave. So he would drag me round Woolworths, pointing out his Christmas present wishes and con me into buying a small toy so that he wouldn't ger bored.
Donuts, McDonalds Kiddie Meal, drinks, you name it, Kieron decided that he needed it. Naturally a visit to Santa was important and the fact that there was an hour long queue really didn't matter. So we queued, and queued and queued.....all for 5 minutes with a fat old man and a cheap toy. We only had Kieron's photo taken with Santa once and Kieron kept the picture in his room for ages until eventually it had little boy scribble on it and a couple of tears so he decided to throw it away. At rthe time I was saddened by this as it was the only picture like this that I had.
Little did I know how important that photo would turn to be.
Lakeside was always Jade's choice for her birthday: it meant she could spend her birthday money, knowing that I would wander round until she got too tired to walk round any more shops. Jade used to take a friend and in later years her (now ex) boyfriend and Kieron would come too.
As Jade's birthday is near the end of November, Lakeside was always Christmassy with a Santa' Grotto and loads of elves. Kieron soon got wise to the idea that I found it over-crowded and very tiring, just wandering round waiting for Jade to ring me to say that they were ready to leave. So he would drag me round Woolworths, pointing out his Christmas present wishes and con me into buying a small toy so that he wouldn't ger bored.
Donuts, McDonalds Kiddie Meal, drinks, you name it, Kieron decided that he needed it. Naturally a visit to Santa was important and the fact that there was an hour long queue really didn't matter. So we queued, and queued and queued.....all for 5 minutes with a fat old man and a cheap toy. We only had Kieron's photo taken with Santa once and Kieron kept the picture in his room for ages until eventually it had little boy scribble on it and a couple of tears so he decided to throw it away. At rthe time I was saddened by this as it was the only picture like this that I had.
Little did I know how important that photo would turn to be.
Sunday, 31 March 2013
Easter Sunday (again)
So it's Easter Sunday again and Kieron has a kinder egg Easter egg, Creme Egg Splats, a creme egg and an Easter snow globe form someone I have befriended via Facebook.
A time to plant mini eggs round the garden and to find a couple that escaped discovery later in the year when I'm putting in my bedding plants. A time to remind Kieron not to eat too much chocolate in case he feels sick. A time to allow chocolate for breakfast. A time to tease about Easter bunnies. A family time.
Kieron likes Easter, not just for the chocolate, well ok, mainly for the chocolate, but he's got a kid's book of bible stories so he also knows what Easter is all about. I usually get asked for some cute little chicks or a baby rabbit to add to the cats we already have but Kieron accepts that no amount of nagging will get me to acquiesce.
Jade always gets Kieron an extra egg and I over-chocolate him as he has no other family apart from me, his brother and sister and my aunt, whereas Jade and Callum get extra from their paternal side.
This year, as already mentioned, Kieron got his chocolate, although less than a few years ago. The snow globe? Although it was given with love, I really, really wish he wasn't sent it. This is because I know the lovely lady who gave it to him purely because she lost her little brother, As I have lost my son.
A time to plant mini eggs round the garden and to find a couple that escaped discovery later in the year when I'm putting in my bedding plants. A time to remind Kieron not to eat too much chocolate in case he feels sick. A time to allow chocolate for breakfast. A time to tease about Easter bunnies. A family time.
Kieron likes Easter, not just for the chocolate, well ok, mainly for the chocolate, but he's got a kid's book of bible stories so he also knows what Easter is all about. I usually get asked for some cute little chicks or a baby rabbit to add to the cats we already have but Kieron accepts that no amount of nagging will get me to acquiesce.
Jade always gets Kieron an extra egg and I over-chocolate him as he has no other family apart from me, his brother and sister and my aunt, whereas Jade and Callum get extra from their paternal side.
This year, as already mentioned, Kieron got his chocolate, although less than a few years ago. The snow globe? Although it was given with love, I really, really wish he wasn't sent it. This is because I know the lovely lady who gave it to him purely because she lost her little brother, As I have lost my son.
Thursday, 28 February 2013
Two kids together
Another birthday for my Dad has rolled round: he would have been 91 today, instead he died 06 March 2003 aged 81. An old man with a young mind. He enthralled me as a child with his tales, and in turn did the same with my kids. A man who never really grew up, my Dad had the knack of drawing children to him, rather like the Pied Piper of Hamlyn, but with fun and mischief as his intent, rather than malice.
So it's little wonder that all my children learnt how to make catapults, had picnics on stepladders in the garden, knew how to roll cigarettes in a machine (although he stopped smoking soon after Kieron was born) and would dunk their Grandad's head in bowls of rice pudding!
Kieron followed his Grandad much like a puppy, calling 'Gandad, Gandad' all the time. Learning how to use a hand drill, tighten the nuts on his mini motorbike and was introduced to tinned steak. My Dad's lop-sided gait, doing his version of a run as he chased Kieron around the garden to the sound of excited squeals and when Jade and Callum were younger, doing the same. Although then it was to the additional sound of my Mum trying not to laugh as she shouted 'Harry, you'll get her/him over-excited'.
Overnight stays, with my Dad in my old bedroom, Kieron on a camp bed beside him, as my Mum's Alzheimer's Disease prevented her from looking after her youngest grandchild. Midnight snacks and talks. Morning hugs. A wonderful man to whom his grandchildren were his world and adored by all 3 of them.
I miss my Dad, I miss my son more.
So it's little wonder that all my children learnt how to make catapults, had picnics on stepladders in the garden, knew how to roll cigarettes in a machine (although he stopped smoking soon after Kieron was born) and would dunk their Grandad's head in bowls of rice pudding!
Kieron followed his Grandad much like a puppy, calling 'Gandad, Gandad' all the time. Learning how to use a hand drill, tighten the nuts on his mini motorbike and was introduced to tinned steak. My Dad's lop-sided gait, doing his version of a run as he chased Kieron around the garden to the sound of excited squeals and when Jade and Callum were younger, doing the same. Although then it was to the additional sound of my Mum trying not to laugh as she shouted 'Harry, you'll get her/him over-excited'.
Overnight stays, with my Dad in my old bedroom, Kieron on a camp bed beside him, as my Mum's Alzheimer's Disease prevented her from looking after her youngest grandchild. Midnight snacks and talks. Morning hugs. A wonderful man to whom his grandchildren were his world and adored by all 3 of them.
I miss my Dad, I miss my son more.
Thursday, 31 January 2013
Birthday Wishes
It's my birthday in two days. A time for celebration, being spoilt and having my children around me.
Kieron has always taken the lead from his older brother and sister and learnt at an early age that it's ok to wake me as early as he likes and he does this with gusto. Leaping on my bed ( unless he's already spent the whole night in it with me), bouncing about while I open presents and generally becoming the centre of attention.As he should.
The run up becomes a frenzy of whispers and giggles as secrets are shared and plans are made. Cries of " don't come in" and "don't look" ring around the house as hastily hidden gifts and cards rustle with intrigue.
As I've said so many times, Kieron loves family birthdays and mine is no exception. He loves to give and he loves to love. So every year my birthday is no exception. Jade and Callum have treated me to a shopping trip and meal out in London, although Callum is being the 'man of the house ' and not joining us. Memories of him and Kieron standing outside clothes shops while Jade and I are inside them are probably the reason for this and I don't blame him.
So tomorrow, Jade and I go off for the day and Callum stays at home. Without a little brother to babysit for.
Kieron has always taken the lead from his older brother and sister and learnt at an early age that it's ok to wake me as early as he likes and he does this with gusto. Leaping on my bed ( unless he's already spent the whole night in it with me), bouncing about while I open presents and generally becoming the centre of attention.As he should.
The run up becomes a frenzy of whispers and giggles as secrets are shared and plans are made. Cries of " don't come in" and "don't look" ring around the house as hastily hidden gifts and cards rustle with intrigue.
As I've said so many times, Kieron loves family birthdays and mine is no exception. He loves to give and he loves to love. So every year my birthday is no exception. Jade and Callum have treated me to a shopping trip and meal out in London, although Callum is being the 'man of the house ' and not joining us. Memories of him and Kieron standing outside clothes shops while Jade and I are inside them are probably the reason for this and I don't blame him.
So tomorrow, Jade and I go off for the day and Callum stays at home. Without a little brother to babysit for.
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