Christmas Trees

Today I put up Christmas trees. Kieron would always help by passing me the baubles as I requested them and ask where he should put the ones that he chose to put on the trees himself. He would chatter on and on about what he wanted for Christmas. When he was little we would go to see Santa in his grotto and Kieron would always look at me nervously when Santa beckoned him forward. 'Go on, it's ok' I would say to him and surreptitiously nod at Santa if the relevant presents were to be forthcoming. 

As he got older, he would declare with all the wisdom of a super smart, all-knowing child that Santa wasn't real, a fiction of an adult's imagination, along with the tooth fairy and the Easter bunny. But every year just before Christmas he would renege on his decision for fear of not getting anything on Christmas morning.So,during the Christmas decoration process he would say what he wanted and frequently get out the Argos catalogue and draw stars on his desired choices. 5* for the 'must haves' down to 1* for the less important choices. 

I would be presented with a list, written in a hurried scrawl as though the faster he wrote, the higher the chances of getting his wishes fulfilled. While decorating, we would discuss the school Christmas activities...did he want Christmas dinner? usually he would vacillate between yes and no, generally deciding that he would rather stick with a packed lunch as he knew that the dinner ladies would make him eat the dreaded vegetables. The school Christmas party menu would then come up...would I get him some Fruit Shoots to take or some other hyper-behaviour inducing goodies. Yes, I would.

After the trees were done, Kieron would have the leftover decorations and have his own tree in his room. He always asked for lights and I always said no for fear of fire. 

It took a lot longer today than usual, my heart certainly wasn't in it and my little helper was missing. It was silent: no Christmas songs playing to add to the atmosphere, no chatter, no fun, just tears.

But  Kieron still  has his tree in his room, the hardest tree I have ever decorated. And he still has no lights.