I've never been much of a New Year's Eve person. Although when I was teenager, I used to go out with friends and stagger home in the early hours knowing that I would suffer for it in the morning. Once the children started to come along, it became a matter of forcing myself to stay awake, so that we could all see in the New Year together.
New Year's Eve 1999, the last night before the start of a new millennium: Callum, Kieron and I were all struck down in a violent flu epidemic, with only Jade remaining well and she looked after us all. She was only just 10, Callum was 5 1/2 and Kieron just 6 months. I slept in Callum's bed to cuddle him through the night, with Kieron lying beside me, whimpering and constantly needing to be comfort breast-fed. I remember wishing that the fireworks would stop as I felt so ill and I didn't want the children to be woken up.
New Years after that remained quiet, until 2005. We had a party and ended up doing the conga down the street....2 little boys clinging onto the adults and the neighbours coming out of their houses to watch.
2009 was the best yet: getting tipsy with my neighbour and letting off party poppers outside with Kieron running up and down cheering us on while dressed in pyjamas, dressing gown and socks. A night that he should remember forever.
Tonight I sit indoors alone. Jade has gone to a pub and Callum is at a party. I should have a teenager still in the house with me. Instead I sit with my memories and the knowledge that for me, tonight is a new millennium: 1000 days and nights without my little boy.
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