Birthdays

It was my mum's birthday yesterday. Had she lived she would have been 74. Kieron always enjoyed family birthdays because it meant cake. For my mum it would be chocolate gateau which Kieron would end up wearing down the front of his clothes regardless of his age. He would be in charge of nanny's birthday card with his older brother and sister handing over a present each.He would hide it behind his back and get a little embarrassed, looking to me for a nod to indicate it was time to hand it over. He didn't know my mum that well. She had advanced Alzheimer's disease so the nanny that my daughter remembers and also my older son to some extent wasn't the loving, supportive mum that I know, but a slightly bonkers, older-than-her-years little old lady, who could be relied on to make Kieron giggle with her oddness.
But Kieron loved her. Not because he had to but because she's family. His nan. Because he grew up seeing her every day and learnt from me who she really was and he could see that deep inside she loved him.
My mum ended up in a residential home because her disease was so advanced and debilitating. Kieron's siblings stopped going to see her because it was too distressing for them, but Kieron would come with me sometimes and he'd sit and do jigsaws while I desperately tried to make conversation with a dearly loved lady who had reverted to babyhood.
Kieron was unfazed...he'd chatter on about school and his little friends and if my mum managed to talk at all it was usually something nonsensical, but Kieron carried on talking. Other little old ladies and occasionally men would smile at him and try to make conversation, but then Kieron shied away timidly, checking that I was within grabbing distance.
 The day that she died, Kieron kept checking that I was ok. He shed his tears and then gave love and support to his siblings.
Now Kieron's with his nan. A nan who is no longer stricken with mental illness, but can do all the things that Kieron missed out on doing with her. A nan who can give him all the cuddles that I so desperately want to give him and can't just yet.